If it's good enough for Oprah...
By itchingmyknee
The “Daily Flood of Crap” is our pet name for the magazine’s general email address. I have the unfortunate task of wading through these emails, day after day. Some are random stock alerts, ads for penis enlargements, letters from Sir Kwame Stilton who is unable to access his billion pound trust fund – “Unless YOU help.” But the majority of this unwanted spam is diet mail. Various pills and potions with exotic names flood into my inbox, and all are accompanied by “push advertising”. Usually something like this:
“How many times did you get unhappy after looking in the mirror? 0besity does not only affect the way you look and feel about yourself. It is
also dangerous for your health, bringing plenty of health problems in a
variety of spheres. And of course feeling shy to take off your clothes
on a beach or in bed with your special one is so saddening.”
Now, I have to read about 20 of these a day, give or take, and I have never had the urge to visit “the BEST online pharmacy”, but I suspect that these little sob stories are worming into my brain. Case in point: I’m not overweight, but a couple of weeks ago, I decided out of the blue that I would go running every morning. And I have been sticking to the regime. Getting up at half seven, pulling on my track pants and legging it to Embankment And every morning I come into work and face the Daily Flood of Crap.
So I decided to write an Ode to Spam.
I want to express my gratitude to all those pill pushers out there, for telling me that fat is bad. I never get to the second paragraph, so I don’t read how “Anatrim” is better than exercise (and makes you pretty, witty and a fabulous dancer), but somehow, this constant barrage has prompted me to get healthier.
So thanks, “Tamra Gordon” for instructing me to “Check out the wonders of pound melting”. I am in your debt. I don’t think I’m any lighter, but I’m definitely tighter. Thanks for bringing guilt and a misshapen body image to my world, and making me think twice when I take of my clothes in front my boyfriend at night.
And good luck with those pills. I hear they raised a storm on Oprah.
The “Daily Flood of Crap” is our pet name for the magazine’s general email address. I have the unfortunate task of wading through these emails, day after day. Some are random stock alerts, ads for penis enlargements, letters from Sir Kwame Stilton who is unable to access his billion pound trust fund – “Unless YOU help.” But the majority of this unwanted spam is diet mail. Various pills and potions with exotic names flood into my inbox, and all are accompanied by “push advertising”. Usually something like this:
“How many times did you get unhappy after looking in the mirror? 0besity does not only affect the way you look and feel about yourself. It is
also dangerous for your health, bringing plenty of health problems in a
variety of spheres. And of course feeling shy to take off your clothes
on a beach or in bed with your special one is so saddening.”
Now, I have to read about 20 of these a day, give or take, and I have never had the urge to visit “the BEST online pharmacy”, but I suspect that these little sob stories are worming into my brain. Case in point: I’m not overweight, but a couple of weeks ago, I decided out of the blue that I would go running every morning. And I have been sticking to the regime. Getting up at half seven, pulling on my track pants and legging it to Embankment And every morning I come into work and face the Daily Flood of Crap.
So I decided to write an Ode to Spam.
I want to express my gratitude to all those pill pushers out there, for telling me that fat is bad. I never get to the second paragraph, so I don’t read how “Anatrim” is better than exercise (and makes you pretty, witty and a fabulous dancer), but somehow, this constant barrage has prompted me to get healthier.
So thanks, “Tamra Gordon” for instructing me to “Check out the wonders of pound melting”. I am in your debt. I don’t think I’m any lighter, but I’m definitely tighter. Thanks for bringing guilt and a misshapen body image to my world, and making me think twice when I take of my clothes in front my boyfriend at night.
And good luck with those pills. I hear they raised a storm on Oprah.
posted by bitingmylip at 2:31 AM
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