How Did I Get Here?
by bitingmylip
When I wake up in the morning I give myself a few minutes to focus.
If I don’t recognise the room I’m in, I close my eyes and breathe in ten breaths. Then I open my eyes and look to my right. I always sleep on the right side of the bed. If I sleep on the left side of the bed I have to do everything twice. So if I look to my right and there is someone there it means I have slept on the wrong side of the bed so I have to close my eyes again and breathe in twenty breaths and then do everything the wrong way round. But it is very rare that I sleep on the left side of the bed. No matter who I am with.
If I am in a room I don’t recognise and I am sleeping on the right side of the bed I will look to my right and if there is a dressing table there, I will count the amount of items on top of the table. If there are not many items on the table I will count them twice. If there is no dressing table I will just look at the wall and count ten breaths.
Then I will look up at the ceiling again and try and remember how I got there. If I don’t remember after I have taken twenty breaths I will look to my left. If the person sleeping there is facing me I will usually remember him. If I don’t I will turn my back to him and count ten breaths. Sometimes if they are awake and see me looking they will say something but I can’t reply till I have counted ten breaths. After ten breaths I will turn and face him again.
If he has his back to me when I turn to the left, I will not always recognise him. Then I will look up at the ceiling and count twenty breaths. Then I will turn to my left again and pat him on his back until he turns around.
If he turns round and I don’t recognise him I will close my eyes and breathe as many breaths as I can before he says anything. I try to count ten breaths but sometimes they say something and I have to open my eyes.
Usually I recognise them. But if I do not know them at all and I still do not know where I am I count as many breaths as I can and then I make my face go blank and complain of my hangover until he says something that gives away where we were the night before. Then I will smile and ask for a glass of water. I always smile. Even if I do not think I meant to wake up in his room I will smile. Even if he is aggressive and rude I will smile.
If I wake up and I do recognise the room I am in, I only have to count ten breaths while facing the ceiling. If I am in my own room I will get up out of the right side of the bed and fetch a glass of water. There are six items on top of my dressing table in the morning: an alarm clock, a glass, my watch, a scented candle, a photograph, and the sleep mist that I spray on my pillow. When I put my watch on to wear in the day I move the items around to hide the space where the watch was so there are only five items visible but it doesn’t look like there is something missing.
When I wake up in the morning I give myself a few minutes to focus.
If I don’t recognise the room I’m in, I close my eyes and breathe in ten breaths. Then I open my eyes and look to my right. I always sleep on the right side of the bed. If I sleep on the left side of the bed I have to do everything twice. So if I look to my right and there is someone there it means I have slept on the wrong side of the bed so I have to close my eyes again and breathe in twenty breaths and then do everything the wrong way round. But it is very rare that I sleep on the left side of the bed. No matter who I am with.
If I am in a room I don’t recognise and I am sleeping on the right side of the bed I will look to my right and if there is a dressing table there, I will count the amount of items on top of the table. If there are not many items on the table I will count them twice. If there is no dressing table I will just look at the wall and count ten breaths.
Then I will look up at the ceiling again and try and remember how I got there. If I don’t remember after I have taken twenty breaths I will look to my left. If the person sleeping there is facing me I will usually remember him. If I don’t I will turn my back to him and count ten breaths. Sometimes if they are awake and see me looking they will say something but I can’t reply till I have counted ten breaths. After ten breaths I will turn and face him again.
If he has his back to me when I turn to the left, I will not always recognise him. Then I will look up at the ceiling and count twenty breaths. Then I will turn to my left again and pat him on his back until he turns around.
If he turns round and I don’t recognise him I will close my eyes and breathe as many breaths as I can before he says anything. I try to count ten breaths but sometimes they say something and I have to open my eyes.
Usually I recognise them. But if I do not know them at all and I still do not know where I am I count as many breaths as I can and then I make my face go blank and complain of my hangover until he says something that gives away where we were the night before. Then I will smile and ask for a glass of water. I always smile. Even if I do not think I meant to wake up in his room I will smile. Even if he is aggressive and rude I will smile.
If I wake up and I do recognise the room I am in, I only have to count ten breaths while facing the ceiling. If I am in my own room I will get up out of the right side of the bed and fetch a glass of water. There are six items on top of my dressing table in the morning: an alarm clock, a glass, my watch, a scented candle, a photograph, and the sleep mist that I spray on my pillow. When I put my watch on to wear in the day I move the items around to hide the space where the watch was so there are only five items visible but it doesn’t look like there is something missing.
posted by bitingmylip at 3:12 AM
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