More tea, Vicar?

By itchingmyknee

The art of making a great cup of tea is not something that can be taught. Schools might try in the future, when new government directives dictate that youngsters ought to be taught this valuable skill, as they will probably spend the first few years of employment making it. But like most government initiatives, it won’t work.

First you have to consider individual tastes. Do you like your tea strong or weak, dark or milky, sweet or sugar free? Increasingly there are a host of new options as well: soya, artificially sweet, organic, imported... There is also the age-old question of bag over strainer. Who would think that such a simple beverage could have so many possibilities? And this is Britain. Imagine you lived in China! They say that thousands of years ago when folks from the east and west first learned the art of brewing, they made tea in the Orient; westerners made beer. This is supposedly why the Eastern constitution is less adept at digesting alcohol. The beer guzzlers have had many generations to inure themselves to the poison that is alcohol, while they have not.

I like my tea strong, and quite dark. The colour of a manilla envelope. No sugar – I’m sweet enough already. Or so I like to tell people. Do I want to know how you take yours? So I can agonise over the teabag-squeezing, milk dropping, sugar grain counting to conjure your ideal brew? Not for all the tea in China.