Drink and Dial
By bitingmylip
I just found out about a genius invention that has the potential to transform my love life and help me keep my friends and, yes, even lovers.
It is a mobile phone that prevents drunk dialing (see http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=2125709).
For the uninitiated, drunk dialling and its counterpart, drunk texting, are two of the never-been-without-technology generation’s greatest obstacles.
As the name suggests, drunk dialing (and texting) involves copious amounts of alcohol and that staple of modern life, the mobile phone. Simply put: you get drunk, you get out your phone, you phone or text someone totally inappropriate, et voila, you wake up in the morning and feel a sickness that is nothing to do with the amount of alcohol consumed but rather the slow realisation that, yes, you did phone your ex-boy/ girlfriend and/or current object of affection at 3 am and, yes, you did proceed to tell him or her (either directly into their sleepy ears or, even worse, to the unfriendly voice on their answerphone) that you are either:
a) madly in love with them, which blows all your cool and, in the case of your current love object particularly, means they will never talk to you ever again for fear you are some kind of deranged stalker type weirdo.
or,
b) totally over them, which is disproved by the simple fact that you are calling them at 3am to tell them this. Variations on this include telling the person whose text messages and all forms of communication you have been obsessing for weeks that, yes, you were upset that they don’t put a little ‘x’ after their messages or respond to your blatant flirtation in the way you hoped but it doesn’t matter any more because you are over it. YOU ARE OVER IT. You were just thinking about it whilst drunk, in a bar, with your friends and numerous other people you could probably snog if you wanted as they’re just as drunk as you, but still, you are over it, and you thought you would tell them that you are over it because you just happened to be thinking about them at 3 o’clock in the morning. Whilst drunk.
Everyone knows someone who is a regular drunk dialer and/or texter. Personally, I used to favour the text message. Predictive text when you’re drunk is especially dangerous, as is the accidental sending of a message to the wrong person, viz:
You: “I’m really sorry, I was a bit worse for wear, I didn’t mean to send you that message.”
Your Mum: “I should bloody well hope not, but who is this ‘Mike’ person and why on earth were you telling him what you were wearing?”
You: “I’m going to be sick…”
So now we are all up to speed on the perils of using a mobile phone when drunk, let’s recognise the genius of a phone that not only breathalyses you but also allows you to amend the settings so that on certain nights and after certain times you physically can’t call certain people from your phone book. Imagine the embarrassment saved.
Although, come to think of it, it might save on embarrassment, but imagine the action you could miss out on. No more late night booty calls. No more stupid, giggly texting with that bloke sat opposite you in the bar. No more next-morning phone calls from your ex to say, “it was lovely to hear from you… even if you were hammered.”
God, how would anyone ever get laid?
Sadly it seems that like many things in modern life, this phone is both saviour and oppressor. And, like relationships, the answer lies in getting the balance right. So maybe only block one of your exes. Or you could always just leave your phone at home…
I just found out about a genius invention that has the potential to transform my love life and help me keep my friends and, yes, even lovers.
It is a mobile phone that prevents drunk dialing (see http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=2125709).
For the uninitiated, drunk dialling and its counterpart, drunk texting, are two of the never-been-without-technology generation’s greatest obstacles.
As the name suggests, drunk dialing (and texting) involves copious amounts of alcohol and that staple of modern life, the mobile phone. Simply put: you get drunk, you get out your phone, you phone or text someone totally inappropriate, et voila, you wake up in the morning and feel a sickness that is nothing to do with the amount of alcohol consumed but rather the slow realisation that, yes, you did phone your ex-boy/ girlfriend and/or current object of affection at 3 am and, yes, you did proceed to tell him or her (either directly into their sleepy ears or, even worse, to the unfriendly voice on their answerphone) that you are either:
a) madly in love with them, which blows all your cool and, in the case of your current love object particularly, means they will never talk to you ever again for fear you are some kind of deranged stalker type weirdo.
or,
b) totally over them, which is disproved by the simple fact that you are calling them at 3am to tell them this. Variations on this include telling the person whose text messages and all forms of communication you have been obsessing for weeks that, yes, you were upset that they don’t put a little ‘x’ after their messages or respond to your blatant flirtation in the way you hoped but it doesn’t matter any more because you are over it. YOU ARE OVER IT. You were just thinking about it whilst drunk, in a bar, with your friends and numerous other people you could probably snog if you wanted as they’re just as drunk as you, but still, you are over it, and you thought you would tell them that you are over it because you just happened to be thinking about them at 3 o’clock in the morning. Whilst drunk.
Everyone knows someone who is a regular drunk dialer and/or texter. Personally, I used to favour the text message. Predictive text when you’re drunk is especially dangerous, as is the accidental sending of a message to the wrong person, viz:
You: “I’m really sorry, I was a bit worse for wear, I didn’t mean to send you that message.”
Your Mum: “I should bloody well hope not, but who is this ‘Mike’ person and why on earth were you telling him what you were wearing?”
You: “I’m going to be sick…”
So now we are all up to speed on the perils of using a mobile phone when drunk, let’s recognise the genius of a phone that not only breathalyses you but also allows you to amend the settings so that on certain nights and after certain times you physically can’t call certain people from your phone book. Imagine the embarrassment saved.
Although, come to think of it, it might save on embarrassment, but imagine the action you could miss out on. No more late night booty calls. No more stupid, giggly texting with that bloke sat opposite you in the bar. No more next-morning phone calls from your ex to say, “it was lovely to hear from you… even if you were hammered.”
God, how would anyone ever get laid?
Sadly it seems that like many things in modern life, this phone is both saviour and oppressor. And, like relationships, the answer lies in getting the balance right. So maybe only block one of your exes. Or you could always just leave your phone at home…
posted by bitingmylip at 8:41 AM
1 Comments:
Nothing beats the excitement of the familar hum when your vibrating phone wakes you up at 4am on the bedside table. It's even more exciting when you have to search in the pockets of a pair of jeans you drunkenly discarded minutes ago when you finally got home. Drinking and dialling was a copernican revolution for the socially frigid and long may it continue. Who wants self imposed policing?
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