Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Hello. It's 2008. Or is that 1998?

by itchingmyknee

I’ve got an incredible sense of déjà vu. Like I’ve been here before.

I think part of the problem might be that I’ve recently discovered a whole bunch of writing and poetry from various phases in my life. Different things going on, different men hanging around, plagued by different issues…

But somehow, it’s all starting to feel like the same shit, over and over. The same things going on. The same men, in different incarnations. Well, except perhaps one. I'm beginning to think that someone’s wished a plague on my house.

I know that part of the problem was waking up to Magic FM every day. They have exactly the same playlist on shuffle in the morning. Whatever time I set my alarm, I invariable wake to Medley & Warnes “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life.”

I now despise that song.

I have now switched radio stations. Sometimes I even mix it up and play a CD while I get dressed. It needs to be something gentle though. Nina Simone. Billie Holiday. Zero 7. I tried “Fight for your right to party”/Beastie Boys yesterday. My bones were still trembling when I arrived at work.

Ah yes. Work. What to do about that? My job is grand, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve become a parasite on the flesh of humanity. I go through the motions. I hand in my work. But I don’t create anything beautiful, or useful, or soul-shakingly fabulous. And I spend all my money on going out and getting leathered. Oh, and the occasional purchase of shoes/dress/bikini and such like.

Now I know what all the adults were going on about when I was a kid. About having a purpose. Feeling like you are truly contributing something. Strangely enough, I’ve avoided this sense of aimlessness for so long because I was in love. And loving someone always feels like such a perfect purpose.

So. Here’s to a new year. 200-and fucking-8.
And here are my resolutions.

1.) Moving in with my wonderful friend/s
2.) Writing spectacular things for SACK (Stories and Collective Knowledge – email me if you want to join)
3.) Making that film. The short where one person manipulates another like a puppet, but it looks totally off-the-cuff and eerie. Would totally work as a music video. Note to self.
4.) Writing fewer diary entries on this fucking thing, and more real stories (see no. 2)
5.) And finally: Ditching the déjà vu.
Doing different things. Convincing the one man who's unlike the rest that he wants to be with me. And avoiding issues like the plague.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Untitled

by itchingmyknee

A rattlesnake can’t fall in love
Her kisses are pernicious
Her suitors never suit her scales
Although they taste delicious

Her flickering tongue makes out his face
Coils clenching in muscled bands
Helpless to resist her cruel embrace
He’s prone as her jaws expand

He slides his way along her throat
If it hurts him, she can’t tell
She should have removed his overcoat
Though he goes down quite well

Sated, the serpent mourns the waste
Her dread anguiform soul is damned
She shakes her rattle in distaste
And draws ‘s’s in the sand.

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